Raising Funds, Raising Spirits

I get writer’s block. Badly. I say (in my estimation) pretty brilliant and meaningful things in my head all the time. But, when it comes to writing them down, I freeze. What if nobody likes what I have to say? Worse – what if people think I’m a moron? People can be judgy. I don’t like to be judged, unless your judgment is that I’m awesome. I figure going to Guatemala is as opportune a time as any to turn over a new leaf, so I’m going to try my darnedest to get over that mind block. I hope you like what I have to say. I hope you think I’m cute and clever. I hope my stories speak to you, or, at the very least, you find my musings amusing. But, you know what? It’s okay if you don’t. This time, it’s about me. So, here I go.

I’m spending the next year volunteering in Guatemala with an organization called Safe Passage. I’ll be overseeing the English program for youth and their families who make a living scavenging the Guatemala City garbage dump. It’s going to be hugely rewarding, and ridiculously trying. You get to hear about all the boons and busts along the way. Lucky you.

Since I’ve been out of work for so long (8 months!), and Safe Passage can’t pay my expenses to get to Guatemala, I’ve been fundraising to get here. It was really difficult for me to take the step to do this, since I’ve always been a do-it-yourself-er. I’m so glad I took the necessary step to ask for help – this has been one of the most inspiring and rewarding experiences I’ve ever had! I’m not talking about it being financially rewarding, although it’s been that, too (you guys are generous!). It has been emotionally rewarding to the highest degree. I sent out a plea, and the deluge of encouragement and support I received in response has simply blown my mind. Let me give you a few examples. Let me disclose that I’m not disclosing names. Like any upstanding repository for your money, I value your privacy.

Here are a few select quotes I’ve received from various friends and family over the past few weeks.

“You’re so fabulous. I’m so excited for and proud of you.”
“A lot of people don’t have it in them to do something like this. You’re making a big sacrifice and giving up a lot to go do good work.”
“You have the courage to follow your dreams. That’s really inspiring.”
“You have music in your heart. You deserve the best.”

I have never really seen myself as a risk-taker. I don’t put myself on the line very readily. I get a harebrained idea to go trek around northern Thailand or move to California, but I do it with an organization that I know well in a very controlled and calculated way. I’m still going to Guatemala through a well-established organization, but, come on, that’s just good sense in an area that can be a bit dangerous. I’m pretty much doing this one by the seat of my pants. I didn’t realize how big it was until I had people reflect it back at me (but of course, I only gave myself 2 weeks to gather up my life and skedaddle, so I haven’t exactly had time to ruminate on it). What I’m doing really is super ridiculous. I had an amazing apartment in San Francisco that I loved with a fabulous roommate that has become one of my closest friends. I have a phenomenal group of friends who inspire me to be great while still making me laugh and giving me the freedom to be silly and have fun. And I left everything I’ve worked so hard to build up in the blink of an eye.

It really is courageous to leave everyone and everything you know and love. Of course I haven’t had a job in San Francisco, but I still have built a really wonderful life there. I have amazing friends, not to mention my karaoke spots, my yoga studio, my grocery store, my restaurant, my insert noun here (like Mad Libs!). It’s hard leaving the comforts of home to go somewhere new, especially for so long. It’s even harder when you have to speak another language, which is entirely exhausting to do all the time. Of course, that is, unless you’re fluent, which I plan to be by the end of this thing. It’s also hard when you’re used to coming and going as you please. No longer will I have the freedom to just walk wherever, whenever or even do something so simple as carry a bag. Until I get used to how things work and what draws the wrong kind of attention, I will have to live in a very conservative way. It’s not necessarily bad, it’s just going to take a lot of getting used to. I’m going to miss walking to and fro at all hours. I’m going to miss wearing a pair of shoes because they’re cute and go with my outfit, and not because they look purposely shabby and allow for a quick getaway.

Now, let’s talk about the money. A friend’s ex-boyfriend gave several hundred dollars. Just like that. I’ve never even met him. Personally, I don’t think that that donation was for me exactly, but I’m happy to be the recipient. A good friend of mine is in school living on a shoestring budget of student loans and somehow still gave me $10. That $10 donation was by far the biggest one I received, because I knew it meant that he gave something up. Maybe it was a celebratory drink after finishing finals. Perhaps it was an art show he’d been looking forward to. Whatever it was, he made a sacrifice – a real sacrifice – so that I could go to Guatemala. People believe in what I’m doing that much. It’s both really humbling and incredibly inspiring to know that my friends and family have put that much stock in me. I just hope I can deliver.

Thanks for believing in me.